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Mum of two opens up about OCD 'torment'
A MOTHER of two has spoken of the torment she suffered after her life was taken over by obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
Kelly Durdan, 33, lived a normal life until around 14 years ago when she gave birth to her daughter, Sophie.
She explained how her OCD was so uncontrollable she would check everything she thought could pose a threat to the safety of her daughter.
Everything was checked in routines of three, up to nine times in some cases, including oven doors, wardrobes, windows, doors, taps and under her daughter’s bed.
She said: “I ended up housebound because if I took her to the park or the pool something could happen to her.
“I’d have panic attacks and just burst into tears – I couldn’t understand where the thoughts were coming from.
“I had visions of suffocating her with a pillow or smashing her head on a table, but then thought ‘No, I don’t want to do that – I love her.
“I kept it to myself for fear that somebody would take my children away from me.”
Kelly said her daughter was never deprived of love but felt she was far from the mother she longed to be.
She said: “I saw a doctor and wept ‘I’ve been a terrible mother’, to which she replied saying ‘You just want to protect her, it’s obvious you wouldn’t hurt her.’ “Those words rushed through me like a cleansing wave.”
Once Kelly had her second baby, Sam, who is now six, everything felt different.
There were no irrational thoughts and she knew motherhood could be wonderful again.
Kelly hopes that by speaking out about her condition she will inspire others to tackle their problems.
She said: “I used to always think ‘What if’ and now I think ‘Just run with it’.
“I never want to go through what I went through and, if by coming forward it helps someone else get the courage to see a doctor and face their problems, then it’s worth it.
“It doesn’t matter what you have – you can achieve what you want and you don’t need to be frightened.
“I don’t have that fear any more and it made me realise we all have irrational thoughts but they’re quickly outweighed by normal thoughts and it’s about making that conscious effort every day to ignore the OCD feelings.”
If you think you suffer from OCD and want to seek help, visit your GP.