"IMAGINE you are a former Cabinet Minister, Secretary of State for Health.

You were in charge of the N.H.S. during the Covid Pandemic. Now the country is in a huge ‘Cost of Living’ crisis. Your Party has just crashed the economy.

You have many constituents who need your help. Not only that, but there is a Public Inquiry going on into how you and other Ministers handled Covid.

So what is the most important thing at the front of your mind, occupying all your waking hours? The answer – Kangaroo’s Testicles!

Yes, another Tory M.P., Matt Hancock, is off on his jaunts for self-publicity and ritual humiliation in “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here”, following the example of fellow-Cabinet member Nadine Dorries.

But don’t worry, Matt. You can still pocket your taxpayers’ salary as an M.P. while you consume the naughty bits of marsupials. A representative of “Covid 19 – Bereaved Families for Justice” group wrote “He presided over one of the worst death tolls in the Pandemic, making one catastrophic mistake after another.

Now he’s going to abscond from his job as an M.P. to go and play in the jungle” . He had to step down after breaching his own Covid rules by having an affair with an Aide in his own office.

Frankly I would rather the Kangaroos were in charge of the country. Meanwhile we can read the text of a vile message, laden with obscenities, sent by Tory M.P. Sir Gavin Williamson to fellow Tory M.P. Wendy Morton, threatening that he will take his revenge on her.

What offence has she committed against him? She had the job of selecting which Tory M.Ps would get invitations to the funeral of the Late Queen, and she left him out!

So we can see what her Majesty’s Funeral meant to Sir Gavin – a sense of undeserved Entitlement, another bit of selfpublicity.

The new Prime Minister, Mr. Sunak, knew exactly how to treat Sir Gavin. He promoted him to be a Government Minister. I recently satirised in a letter to the Gazette Tory M.Ps who were bullying, abusing and pushing each other in the voting lobbies during the Fracking vote, comparing them to squabbling children.

I feel I really must apologise – to the children. I cannot believe the depths to which this Party has sunk – a genuine “Coalition of Chaos” conducting its own Civil War.

Perhaps the General Election they are desperate to postpone should be called “The House of Commons: I’m a Tory M.P. Get Me Out Of Here”! I’m sure we can oblige."

Yours faithfully,