Phil Hill: I'd sue Boris, Farage and Cameron over Brexit

I know more than a few talented ones, but I’m unsure they’d give me the time of day.

It would also be useful if someone crowdfunded to pay my fees as I’m likely to be denied legal aid and Rachel Reeves is rapidly emptying my piggy bank.

So, who do I want to sue?

None other than two former prime ministers and one guy who reckons he’ll be the next incumbent of Number 10.

I wouldn’t mind adding roughly half the country who voted for Brexit and then Spanish border control to the list, but first things first.

I recently enjoyed a fortnight in Tenerife—apart from the first hour or so, that is.

An extra half hour was tagged onto the four-hour flight due to strong headwinds as we flew south from Bristol Airport.

That was soon forgotten as a couple hundred of us holidaymakers disembarked and stepped onto the tarmac at sunny Tenerife Sur.

Inside the terminal we were met by a jobsworth Spaniard, whose faltering English consisted solely of: "British?", "EU?", "No," and "There."

The planeload of Brits remarkably understood every word.

We were ordered by arm waving, gesticulations, and pointing to line up in a mostly stationary snaking queue, while arrivers from Germany and Belgium were permitted to virtually sprint past three passport control cabins.

No such luck for us.

The non-smiling, mute officer in the single cabin for UK 'cattle' slowly inspected every page of each passport, nodded, then snatched a quick siesta before signalling the next Brit forward.

A group of fine-voiced young men on a stag trip chanted: "Why are we waiting?" to which the shoulder-shrugging jobsworth remonstrated with them in Spanish with flailing windmill arms straight out of Don Quixote.

There was talk among fellow tourists that we were being treated worse than animals.

But whose fault is it?

There was a universal opinion that, although the Spanish passport control behaviour was rather churlish, the culprit is Brexit.

That’s why I’d love to go after David Cameron, who was daft enough to hold the referendum; Nigel Farage, for convincing people we’d be better off on our own; and Boris Johnson, who made promises impossible to keep.