The first episode of Channel 4′s Burger Bar to Gourmet Star has appeared on our telly boxes. It followed Carl, a burger van “chef” who serves up grub from his pitch on the A38, learn to cook up a storm under the strict guidance of Daniel Clifford.

Clifford owns top eatery Midsummer House, which has two Michelin stars. Not that he mentioned those two Michelin stars at all in the episode. Clifford barely mentioned them.

Here are 11 important things we learned from tonight’s episode:

1. UFOs aren’t always necessarily filled with alien life.
In Carl’s burger van, they’re the Ultimate Fried Object – a huge bun with three burger patties, bacon and a shed load of cheese. People seemed pretty enthusiastic about the red meat-packed treat.

2. Kitchen workers in Daniel Clifford’s restaurant are required to work 80 hours a week. 80. Hours.
Either they’re all lying, or Clifford might be in for a hefty lawsuit after this episode.

3. It’s apparently pretty shocking that a grown man has never tried beetroot.
Carl’s been on quite a culinary journey this evening.

4. The sight of Carl eating a raw scallop is enough to make everyone’s stomachs turn.
They were standing right there in the kitchen. WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST COOK IT?!

5. When Daniel told Carl he’d be heading to Italy and cooking alongside Massimo Bottura, we all got a bit emotional.
*The feels*

6. Apparently a rugby injury to the knee can hinder you in the kitchen.

7. If you pass up an opportunity on a Channel 4 programme, people are gonna get people angry with you.
Carl throws in the towel after two weeks, people on Twitter get very very angry.

8. Daniel Clifford put his *body parts* on certain kitchen utensils.
Someone take away his Michelin stars immediately!

9. Not many people would be impressed by a head of lettuce for dinner, even if it was served up by Massimo Bottura.
It was literally just some leaves on a plate. Gourmet dining, everyone.

10. Even if you spend a month training up to be a Michelin-star quality chef, Channel 4 can’t get you a job.
Soz Carl, it’s back to the van.

11. So everyone enjoyed Burger Bar to Gourmet Star. But hang on – isn’t this concept VERY similar to another Channel 4 show?

You can’t fool us, Channel 4.