Government to issue GM 'wonder trees' to combat flood-hit orchards

THE progression of the special trees, from sapling to maturity in six months

THE progression of the special trees, from sapling to maturity in six months

First published in News
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RESIDENTS across Somerset are being urged to plough up unproductive lawns to make way for apple orchards amid fears of a flood-induced cider drought.

Growers in the South-West have warned that orchards have been devastated by the wettest winter for 250 years with predicted devastation of the crop for next year’s valuable cider production.

Now the Society for the Cultivation of Apple Matter is stepping in to bring the doomed harvest back on track.

Government scientists have bred a genetically-modified strain of apple tree (sidrus juicius) capable of reaching full maturity in an amazing six months, with each tree guaranteed to produce a crop of just under one tonne of giant apples by September this year.*

And in an echo of the wartime ‘Dig For Victory’ campaign, families are being urged to give over their gardens to plant orchards to help the cause.

Avril Braeburn, of the Federation Of Orchard Lovers, said: “Cider is essential to our economy in the South-West.

"It runs through our veins and is the lifeblood of our rural communities. We have every faith that people will rise to the challenge to protect their heritage.”

To get your free quota of Government apple supertrees visit the federation’s website at www.FOOL.co.uk

*Saplings must be planted before end of April to qualify for Government guarantee.

Comments (9)

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8:21am Tue 1 Apr 14

TauntonBloke29 says...

Hehe :)
Hehe :) TauntonBloke29
  • Score: 9

9:02am Tue 1 Apr 14

GreatOdin'sRaven says...

So it's okay to make jokes about the floods now..?
So it's okay to make jokes about the floods now..? GreatOdin'sRaven
  • Score: -15

4:49pm Tue 1 Apr 14

Taunton_Reader says...

Very insensitive and not funny.
Very insensitive and not funny. Taunton_Reader
  • Score: -16

4:55pm Tue 1 Apr 14

GreatOdin'sRaven says...

My point entirely, Taunton_reader. Yet for some reason, people don't seem to get the sarcasm in my comment and think I actually meant it at face value.
My point entirely, Taunton_reader. Yet for some reason, people don't seem to get the sarcasm in my comment and think I actually meant it at face value. GreatOdin'sRaven
  • Score: -5

5:09pm Tue 1 Apr 14

Taunton_Reader says...

The sarcasm was loud and clear (i thought so anyway)! I'm not sure who would ever think this was an appropriate April fool in light of the recent devastation! What's next? An April fool about a tragic crash on the M5!?
The sarcasm was loud and clear (i thought so anyway)! I'm not sure who would ever think this was an appropriate April fool in light of the recent devastation! What's next? An April fool about a tragic crash on the M5!? Taunton_Reader
  • Score: -15

10:30pm Tue 1 Apr 14

Jamesey says...

GreatOdinsRaven and TauntonReader, you both need to cheer up.

This was a light-hearted April Fool's joke and nothing more.
GreatOdinsRaven and TauntonReader, you both need to cheer up. This was a light-hearted April Fool's joke and nothing more. Jamesey
  • Score: 14

11:23pm Tue 1 Apr 14

Taunton_Reader says...

Jamesey: I'm sure many people would agree with you it's just a bit of fun. But in my opinion it was distasteful.
Jamesey: I'm sure many people would agree with you it's just a bit of fun. But in my opinion it was distasteful. Taunton_Reader
  • Score: -16

4:08pm Wed 2 Apr 14

Slow down! says...

3rd April - National Tweed day!

2 days late isn't it?
3rd April - National Tweed day! 2 days late isn't it? Slow down!
  • Score: 1

6:39pm Wed 2 Apr 14

Literal Goat says...

I've never fallen for any April Fool things on websites, newspapers or adverts.. until now. I even emailed it to my dad! Bad taste? Well, much of the news affecting Somerset recently has certainly been grim, but if we lose our sense of humour then we really are in trouble.

Whoever thought this one up deserves an extra cake.
I've never fallen for any April Fool things on websites, newspapers or adverts.. until now. I even emailed it to my dad! Bad taste? Well, much of the news affecting Somerset recently has certainly been grim, but if we lose our sense of humour then we really are in trouble. Whoever thought this one up deserves an extra cake. Literal Goat
  • Score: 10

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